What does it really mean when our kids are listening? It means they are cooperating and being responsible—two very important habits to help our kids master for future success. Parenting that kids can understand teaches habits they will carry for a lifetime, and it will help you and the entire family get along (including you and your spouse!)
I recently wrote an article on what makes kids brains grow bigger which shows that when parents express love to their children through effective and nurturing communication, they become happier and more well-adjusted. Positive parenting without bargaining, yelling, or intimidation will help you develop nurturing communication. Keep reading to learn 8, easy parenting hacks that will teach valuable life lessons.
1. Be a great teacher.
A great teacher takes a hand, opens a mind, and touches a heart. We must be truly honest with ourselves that our role as parents is being the most important teacher your child will ever have. As parents, we are the guardrails in our childrens’ lives, perfectly positioned to keep the car on track. Surely the car will veer off plenty of times on its journey.
Accepting that our children will make mistakes rather than expecting them to be perfect is half the battle in embracing your honorary role as teacher of the year. Learning to tolerate imperfection does not mean sacrificing values; it just means to apply a bit of patience and understanding while your child comes into her own. Compassionate parenting builds and maintains healthy parent-child bonds and supports that all important brain growth that can change the world.
2. Create house rules.
Enlist your entire family in creating a list of house rules that are easy to understand. Mutually agreed upon expectations gives your family the basis of understanding it needs to create respect between one another. It also makes parenting a heck of a lot easier when everyone is on the same page. A family meeting where rules are brainstormed and agreed upon allows everyone to practice important communication and teamwork skills like speaking in turn, listening, and contributing.
Be sure to select rules which the whole family, including adults, will follow. The single most important aspect in creating respect is that we as adults(parents) should model the behavior that is being asked of our children. Lastly, rules should be limited to 4 or 5 and be phrased in a way that states how you want the behavior to look. For instance; “We will speak kindly to those we love” rather than “Don’t talk back.”
3. Establish clear consequences.
Successful parenting requires a few steps so that the behavior and/or lesson you are trying to teach actually sticks. Consistency with consequences is a way for parents to allow kids to practice the desired behavior. If they don’t get it right the first time, try and try again! Consequences need to fit the offense, so while sitting down to create the house rules it is helpful to get together with your spouse to determine agreed upon consequences for when the rule is broken.
If you want, the kids can even weigh in; they usually pick consequences that are more punitive than necessary so it is interesting to get their perspective. This approach establishes communication and cooperation between parents. It also irons out disagreements that often happen when Mom and Dad bicker over how to handle the infraction as it’s happening, which takes the focus off of the negative behavior. Kids love this as they quietly slip away unnoticed while mom and dad attempt to hash it out.
4. Count to three.
One of my favorite parenting gurus is Thomas W. Phelen; he wrote 1-2-3 Magic and it was one of the first and most effective parenting approaches my husband and I used as new parents. Among many other concepts, Phelen introduced the importance of giving children a measured warning system when their behavior is annoying, obnoxious, or unacceptable. Children are not little adults, and they are not born knowing how to act. In fact, it is our job as parents to teach them what we expect from them.
As mentioned before, when this is done in a way that is nurturing and supportive, the parenting process supports brain growth in the way of problem solving and emotional regulation. Once you notice a behavior from your child that is annoying, obnoxious, and/or unacceptable, you simply state (without yelling) what it is that you would like your child to do instead. If he/she does not comply with your request in a few seconds, you begin to count, using a firm tone of voice, eye contact, a visual prompt (holding your fingers up to coordinate with the number), and pausing in between numbers to monitor response. What happens at 3? A consequence for not favorably complying to your request.
Read more at www.lifehack.com
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